Women: Is it Aggression or is it Self-Sufficient ?

I wanted to have a serious open conversation with all of you. I wanted to know what you guys(women and men) thought about “aggressive women?” I also wanted to know what your definition and perception of an “aggressive woman” is.

So I recently came across this picture on Instagram, I attached it to this post.The picture is basically saying if a woman has a career, is God-fearing and focused she doesn’t need a man. I remember seeing this picture and asking my (now) ex-boyfriend how he felt about it. His response?
” If a woman has all these things, she doesn’t need a man, she wants a confidant “ …. Let’s soak that comment in.

I found the post and his comment extremely chauvinistic.

This is my position. I have always gotten off when people talk about business, career moves, and other professional ventures. I’ve always been that way, ever since I could remember. I remember being little and sitting in the bathroom and pretending that I was being interviewed by Oprah, discussing my latest accomplishments. I’ve always been a little crazy, but we will save that conversation for another post.

Some women are driven by love, some are driven by their careers. Some women are driven by both. You can have it all, I hate when people make it sound like you can have one or the other. The people who say that type of slander are the people who probably failed at both. Smh. WE CAN HAVE IT ALL LADIES!!!!

I’ve always known I was going to be a career woman. Even as a child, I knew I wanted to take over. I’ve always wanted to be my own boss, and build some sort of empire. Why have a column in a magazine when you can be Editor-in-Chief? If you are going to design clothes, have your own clothing line. If you are going to work…become the CEO. Thats always been my mindset. If you are going to do it, be the best at it and be on top. I’m working on building my brand now, and I am very aggressive about it. I make numerous calls throughout the day, I’m assertive, and if I have to be matter of fact… then shall be it. At the end of the day a job needs to be done and it is my duty to make sure that the finished products are seen through. I live my business life by the 3 P’s …. “Keep it pleasant, keep it polite and keep it professional.”

Because I possess these qualities does this make me less desirable? I don’t think so.

My parents raised me to be self-sufficient, and to be fully capable of taking care of myself. Regardless if I have a man or not, my bills will be paid, car will be running, and I will continue to be well put together and polished.

Theres nothing wrong with being educated, spiritual and having a career. Men are self-sufficient and still need a significant other. Women can be self-sufficient, and still need the company and love of a significant other. I believe that everyone should be able to take care of themselves, and have the support of a counterpart. We should all be fully capable of bringing something to the table. I’ve seen first hand what being dependent on someone else can do to a person in a relationship. When my parents split, my mother kind of had to start over and it was hard to watch. Yes it was difficult to watch, but it was a learning lesson. It was then that I decided how I was going to grow up and be… and if I have children I will raise my daughters to be just as self-sufficient and independent as my sons.

There is nothing wrong with being assertive and aggressive. In my opinion those qualities fall under being self-sufficient. One needs to be self-sufficient to survive. I want to know how you all feel about the image in this post. Is there such a thing as being overly aggressive? Or is it just the life long stereotypes?

 Aggression or Self Sufficient.

Is there a difference? Or are they one in the same?



  1. If I could put emojis here I will probably put the one that means “praise”.
    I agree with everything. My parents raised to be an independent woman with ambitions. I’m a career girl, and I’m going to put my career first in my twenties, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to have a family in my thirties. I believe if we’re good at balancing we can have it all and really succeed both in family and in business 🙂

    1. hahah lol. well thank you for the “praise emoji” I can picture it right now lol. You are absolutely right , we can focus in our twenties and settle down later in life. What’s the rush? I love the way you put that ! Congrats to you for being a go-getter ! Thats the best thing to hear =)

  2. I completely agree with you. I’ve always been an independent, driven spirit, and I hate those traditional (and frankly out-of-date) stereotypes where the wife is expected to be compliant, reliant on their husband and a homemaker. To me, the term “aggressive woman” is too harsh a term – just because a woman can take care of herself, does not mean that she is “aggressive”. I’m pretty sure that a lot of men these days admire a woman who is independent and can take care of herself.

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post! It really means a lot to me. I agree wholeheartedly. There are stereotypes and stigmas and when we step outside of those roles things sometimes get other labels. Go You for being independent , and driven. I think those are some of the most appealing qualities a woman can have . congrats to you! =)

  3. I have always lived in a single parent home. First with my father, and then my mother, so the image of someone being self reliant has always been there. I don’t like the term aggressive either, if we were talking about man, we’d probably say he’s ambitious, and heap positive praise. Personally, getting my foot in the door in my career is my first priority. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to get married and have children one day, I just want to be a position where I am not totally reliant on a husband.

    1. EXACTLY! Its such a shame sometimes. If a man was being talked about, these would be such honorable qualities. I think its a little unfair that we get this aggressive label. To want success, is not a masculine trait. Good for you for wanting a career. I love talking to other go-getters! Thank you so much for commenting. I appreciated your point of view. Sincerely

  4. Great post. I prefer not to place anyone in a box. I don’t care for the term aggresive. It carries a negative connotation. I prefer that a woman does what comes naturally to her. Some are family-focused, some are career-focused, and others find a way to balance both. What I take issue with is people who think that their way of life applies to another person’s life. It is self-sufficient…to answer your question.

    1. YES! The word “aggressive” carries such a bad and negative vibe. I couldn’t have said it better myself. And yes, sometimes people tend to base their life and values off of others. You had some really great points. I really appreciate your perspective.

  5. I also think aggressive has negative connotations – and that’s ok. I think that to be self-sufficient you may find that sometimes you’re gonna need to be aggressive. So they are not mutually exclusive for me, ya know? Well, that’s my two cents worth anyway 🙂

  6. It goes without saying there are many double standards when it comes to women in society. You’ve just outlined a good one.

    Women are expected to act like… well, women. But what does that mean? For most it means: be polite, smile, do everything women are “supposed to do”. Conversely, if a woman is assertive, she becomes a man. She isn’t feminine anymore.

    Similar to being educated when you’re black 😉 If you speak well, other brothers will say you’re white washed

    Solution: Images are created by media. If there are more succesfull women, more successful blacks, the younger generation will view it as NORMAL.

    1. You have hit so many points that I am passionate about. The whole women are suppose to act like “women” is something I believe as a female we hear our whole lives. I think the men that are opposed to a go getting woman, are the ones that tend to be intimidated. Thats my opinion. A strong man can handle a strong woman.

      And don’t even get me started on the whole “educated black girl white washed” ordeal. lol. I’m from Southern California. I’m from Redondo Beach. Its crazy because all the black people I know, talk like me, act like me, same speech and everything. I mean Im talking Redondo Beach, Santa Monica, Inglewood, Gardena etc.No matter the area we all talked the same. We always use to visit my relatives from the south and I use to get teased so badly because i “talked white”
      the hell does that mean ?!? lol

      Even now in my dating life, when I meet men they think its an accent! Its hysterical ! It’s like no… I don’t have an accent, Its just proper grammar and speech.haha. It kills me smh.

      And yes I blame the media. Everything on VH1 is the devil. The reality shows degrade women on a daily basis. Its terrible.

      Ah good comment. I thank you so much for it. This was the best comment to start off with. Thanks again.

      1. “A strong man can handle a strong woman”
        Totally agree.
        That is essentially what my blog is about. Most dating tips for men revolve around tricks and routines. My Gentleman series is about being a BETTER MAN, working on character, etc.

        I look forward to your future posts! Good work.

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